Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Dungy and Belichick Hate Each Other. I Hate Belichick Too.

(AP photo)

Well, hate is a strong word. Maybe despise is better. You can see the disgust in Dungy's face as he shakes hands with Belicheat. He looks like he swallowed a bug.

I think Belichick hates anyone not named Bill Belichick, so perhaps it's unfair to call out his hatred for Dungy. Belichick brushes by every coach at the end of the game, so this picture proves nothing.

Dungy is a great man with high morals and dignity. How could he not despise a cretin like Belichick? I am a small man, with limited morals and average dignity. And I'm disgusted with Belichick. I can't imagine what putrid flavor of disgust gathers at the back of Dungy's throat every time he comes within sniffing distance of Belichick. Just look at his face! Poor man.

Let's break down the name "Belichick." First you have the word Beli, which is the name of a giant in Norse mythology. Then you have the word chick, which can loosely be translated into the word "bitch." Put them together and that gives you "giant bitch." Bill Belichick. Bill the giant bitch.

I apologize for the offensive language, but the English language is full of many words and it's important to choose the word that best fits what you are trying to describe.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Another Reason We Hate The Patriots: Running Up The Score?

Bob Kravitz actually wrote an interesting article this morning. He talks about how much we hate the Patriots and focuses on an interesting topic: running up the score.

The only reason I don't like the fact that the Patriots are scoring 100 points per game is that I don't want to see Peyton's single season TD record get broken so soon. By Tom freaking Brady. And at this rate, the only way that won't happen is if our defense takes out a third starting quarterback in a row. I usually don't like to see injuries against our opponents, but in this case, I would love it.

So anyways, it's no secret that some teams are upset and accusing the Patriots of being a classless, scandalous team. You'll get no argument from me, but I'm not sure about the whole running up the score thing. I'm of the opinion that if the other team can't stop you, they deserve to lose by 50 points. Now, if you want to be stupid and leave your franchise quarterback on the field when the game is over, then fine. Be stupid. But I don't think that's bad sportsmanship. It's just dumb.

And in defense of the Patriots, their last game last season ended when they allowed a certain team to come back from 21-3. I'd be focusing on putting games away too, if I were them.

The best part about all of this is a little gem I found in the comments to Kravitz's article. Someone posted a link to a thread from the website. It's a four page discussion by Patriots fans about how classless the Colts are for running up the score (from 2005). Stupid Pats fans. If there's anything I dislike more than the Patriots, it's someone who actually supports that cheating franchise. Not really, but I want to sound dramatic.

If the Colts lose this Sunday, I hope it's by 50 points. And I hope they leave Brady in the game. And I hope he gets injured. And is out for the rest of the season. Then returns for the playoffs. And loses to the Colts.

Here's the link to the idiot Pats fan thread: idiot Pats fans

Here's the link to Bob Kravitz's article: It's becoming easier to hate the Pats more every week


Monday, October 29, 2007

Colts vs. Patriots: November 4, 2007

Well, the time has finally come. There is absolutely nothing I can possibly write that won't be talked about a million times over in the coming week. This is the biggest regular season game I can ever remember. There's a big chance that it may decide who gets home field advantage between these two teams in the playoffs (which is huge). And if the Colts lose, I don't see how the Patriots won't go undefeated this season. So anyways, needless to say, I'm very excited.

This city is going to be so hyped up, it's gonna be ridiculous. It will definitely be like a playoff game and maybe even more exciting than the first round of the playoffs. I'm mostly looking forward to what Dungy and Polian have to say. They're really the only ones who say anything worth listening to. I'm sure I'll still read every article I can get my hands on, but that's just for fun. I could care less what the media has to offer.

Well, I hope everyone has fun plans for the game. Whoever wins, I hope it's a solid game and if we lose, I hope it's because they outplayed us. Please no more dropped passes. GO COLTS!!!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Colts Beat Jaguars on Monday Night

Just a few thoughts about the Monday Night Football game:

1) I don't like Tony Kornheiser doing MNF. I'm a big fan of PTI, but he just doesn't work here. And it was really annoying in the first quarter, during an exciting game, to hear him keep bringing up crap about the football god, Tom Edward Brady. For pete's sake, save that for the end of the game when nobody's watching. It's bad enough that we have to hear about it everywhere else in the media, why talk about him in the middle of drives during an exciting game?

2) I hate the celebrity appearances in the 3rd quarter. Hate is not a strong enough word. I loathe it. I'm sure it probably gives them more viewers, or they have some statistic or dollar sign to justify it, but for a real football fan, it's ludicrous. It's even worse than every station hiring their own Bonnie Bernstein to cover injury reports and sideline interviews.

3) Peyton Manning is not trying to make a statement about being overshadowed by Tom Brady. Why did they bring this up like 50 times? Stupid! Do they honestly think he's thinking about that? You guys are morons! Who cares? And all he's thinking about this week is Carolina. Look, the Pats/Colts game on Nov. 4 is a huge game, nobody is debating that and I know it makes for great ratings and will be hyped up. But Monday night's game was ten times more significant for the Colts. If you think Peyton is worried about Brady breaking his record, or stealing headlines, or any of that crap, you don't know a dang thing about football.

4) Hagler is really playing well. I remember the first time I noticed him was in the Kansas City playoff game last year. It was a punt return and he just leveled the guy. I remember us saying, "that guy got 'Haglered.'" How about that? I just found the clip:

5) The play of the game for me was Sanders making a one on one tackle when they went for it on 4-1. Odd play call from Jacksonville, but we'll take it.

6) I don't think I've ever seen the Colts get a safety. Now if we could only return a kick for a touchdown.

7) Peyton was awesome. There were a few huge plays where he would stay in the pocket for one extra second in order to make a play downfield. And he got punished for it almost every time. Anyways, everyone knows Peyton is awesome.

8) Great game by the Colts. It's been so long since I've seen them lose a game, I'll probably be depressed when it happens.


Monday, October 08, 2007

Mandy Land

As you can imagine, we had quite an exciting men's group on Friday. We played an intense game of Mandy Land. I'm guessing you've never heard of Mandy Land. That's because we just invented it. I would love to meet the group of guys (if they somewhere exist) who have also played Mandy Land. I imagine they're probably also big fans of Man-Pong.

So you want to know how to play? Okay, here's what you'll need:

1) The game Candy Land.
2) One case of Stroh's or other cheap beer.
3) Two or more friends.
4) Plenty of time to sober up before driving anywhere.

Now you play the game according to Milton Bradley, but with the following Addendums:

1) Decide what "x" equals in amount of drinks to take (e.g. x= 2 drinks).
2) If a player moves ahead 4 places or less, he drinks x.
3) If a player moves ahead 5 places or more, he divvies out x times o (o= the number of opponents). So, four opponents would be 4x (or 8 drinks in our example), which can be passed out in any increment to any number of opponents.
4) If a player gets a double-card, moving ahead by two color pieces, he divvies out 2ox (i.e. 2*4*2= 16).
5) If a player lands on Rainbow Road or Gumdrop Pass, he divvies out 4ox (i.e. 4*4*2= 32).
6) If a player is stuck on a dot, he has to drink x on every turn he doesn't get out (I guess this falls under rule #2, but just to be sure, here it is).
7) If a player draws a card that moves him to a specific candy-region, he must choose one opponent. These two players must go head-to-head in roshambo; best of three. The loser of roshambo must drink 3x. The opponents who did not play roshambo must drink x.
8) When a player wins, the remaining losers must drink the following: 2nd=x, 3rd=2x, 4th=3x, etc.

Well, now you're ready to play your own game of Mandy Land. Brian won our game, cause he's a lucky turd who advanced to Queen Frostine. I may have these rules mixed up a bit, but part of the fun of the game is making up the rules as you go. If anyone else actually tries this, please let me know. Enjoy!