Friday, March 30, 2007

Peyton Manning and United Way- SNL Skit

I'm sure you've all seen this skit by now, especially those of you who live in Indy. A friend of mine from Florida recently sent it to me saying, "So you have probably seen this, but I thought you should know to keep your kids away from Peyton Manning."

Then I realized how ironic this whole skit is, becuase this is actually how we raise our kids here in Indiana. I'm sure this particular skit was funny in New York, California and Florida, but it was completely lost on the folks from Indiana. After that segment aired on Saturday night, the entire state (and parts of northern Kentucky) said, "I don't get it."

I informed my friend of this fact, and he replied, "So there are lots of kids running around with Peyton Manning tattoos?"

I answered: "Kids?"


Thursday, March 29, 2007

Funny Golf Video Clips

Another lazy-man's post today. Pops sent the link to this video clip. It's your classic "guy hits golf ball and gets hit in the nads and falls down" video. I never get tired of these.

Funny Golf Clips

Monday, March 26, 2007

Rambo 4: John Rambo!

I don't have time to write much today, and reaaly there's not much you can say about the news that there will be a Rambo 4. AWESOME! I'm sure I won't pay $8 to see it, but that doesn't mean I'm not excited. Anyways, there's not much out there on it yet, but it's supposed to be released in 2008. Cool. I love Rambo movies.

John Rambo

Thursday, March 22, 2007

2007 NAIA Championship: Concordia vs. Robert Morris. Quadruple Overtime!

My old college roommate sent me a link to highlights from the 2007 NAIA Semi-Final game. I wish I could have seen the game, but you've got to check out the highlights. It went in to 4 overtimes and each overtime ended with a buzzer beater. This stuff is seriously better than anything in the NCAA tournament so far (except maybe the Ohio State last second three). Anyways, just watch it. I think you can see my roommate for a brief second cheering on the bench at the end of the first overtime.

Click here to view a highlight package from the semifinal round game against Robert Morris!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Fun With Stock Photos- Make Your Own Caption!

At my current job, we use hundreds of stock photos within our courses. Our courses teach about all aspects of the mortgage industry, so we need lots of different pictures for the millions of topics that we cover. For instance, if I were building a course about a broker who just closed a loan and was thinking to himself, "Booyah!" I would put in this photo:

Or if I was writing an example scenario about an intern who has to work his way up to middle management and take crap from all his superiors, I would use this photo:

"I said shave those sideburns, hippy!"

I often wonder if these photos ever get used in other people's courses and websites, or if we own the license on every one of them. Well, last week I did a post on Get Over it Day. While I was at the site, I noticed a few familiar faces. Humor me for a moment and go over to their website real quick (will give you link in a moment). When you get there, look at the photos in the upper right hand corner of the webpage. Pay particular attention to the man at the far right with the snazzy purple tie. Take a few moments to get familiar, then come back here. (view their website here)

Now those are classic stock photos. You can tell because each photo is just oozing emotion. When I saw these, I was pretty sure we had the same ones. I have yet to find an identical match, but I did find something even better. Remember the depressed man in the purple tie? Well I found the same man, same suit, but with a different background. See if you can find any other differences:

You guessed it! We have "happy token black guy in snazzy purple tie." A useful photo for many occasions. So now I wonder how many different expressions this guy made in that same suit. If you ever find any more of him, please be sure to let me know. Anyways, I was amazed to find his alter ego on another website, so I thought I would share.

Here's a bit more fun with stock photos. As you know, many famous actors have look-a-likes for various occasions. When they're not busy looking like famous people, these actors do photo shoots for stock photos. Here is Keanu Reeves' look-a-like, doing his impression of "The Matrix 4: Neo Takes on Wall Street:"

"My name... is Mr. Anderson!"

And we also have Cuba Gooding Jr.'s look-a-like doing his impression of "Crazy Radio stubs his toe:"

The last thing I want to share with you is my all time favorite stock photo. I try to put this photo in about every third page of our courses. If there were such thing as an Oscar for stock photos, this guy would win. This is the Pulitzer of stock photography. This photo can be used appropriately for any and all situations. The expression on this man's face could mean anything. So, enter your own caption in the comments section and see what you can come up with. Feel free to enter multiple times. I love this guy:

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Honda Ad

I was rummaging through old emails today and found one that had a link to this Honda Ad. It's pretty awesome. After it loads up, go to the "watch" section and watch the film. They use a choir to make various car noises and "whooshings" and whatnot. I don't know how to explain it and I don't want to ruin it for you, but it's flippin' sweet. If you have time, you should also see the rehearsal and watch how the film was made. I haven't watched all of that yet, but what I've seen is cool. Just watch it (why can't all car advertisements be this creative?):

Honda Civic

Monday, March 12, 2007

Great Tax Advice from Life in the Shadows?

For the first time ever, I will be giving tax advice here on the blog. There's a reason I've never done this before, and it's not because I'm a financial advisor who is worried about a conflict of interest. It's because taxes are boring, I hate doing them, and I try to spend most of my life not thinking about them. However, I found a tax break that I just had to share. If you're already falling asleep, I apologize. There are a couple Youtube videos below that are far more entertaining.

Be sure to take advantage of the Telephone Excise Tax Refund offered this year. I read somewhere that around 90% of the people who have already filed their taxes have not taken advantage of this refund. (remember that 97% of statistics are made up on the spot) If you have no idea what this is, you're not alone. If you can stand reading IRS jargon, you can read about it here.

Basically, you're getting a refund for federal taxes on your long-distance (or bundled) phone service from March 2003, to August 2006. If you have a cell-phone, this probably applies to you! Just check your previous statements (hopefully you have them all online) and look for a section of the bill that says something like "Federal Tax." It will have disappeared from your bill somewhere around August 2006 (mine stopped in June '06).

Now, here's the fun part. The IRS will give you a standard deduction of $30 for one exemption, or $40 for 2, $50 for 3, and $60 for 4. If you've been paying this tax since 2003, I recommend that you actually find your old statements and add them up (instead of taking the standard deduction). If you're extremely lazy, just take the standard deduction. But my wife and I will get an extra $25, just for adding everything up. If you do it that way, you need to use Form 8913.

Whatever you do, please make sure to get your moneys.

Russian Ninjas

This guy is an absolute animal. The clip is 8 minutes long and worth it if you have the time. I would love to see this guy on an episode of Cops where they have to chase him on foot.

Friday, March 09, 2007

March 9: National "Get Over It" Day?

If you didn't know, today is national Get Over It Day. I had never heard of this before, so I thought I'd check it out.

Apparently, this is the day when people all across America decide to finally "get over" those things they've been hanging on to. If you're trying to get over an ex, or an annoying boss, or a female driver who cuts you off on your way to work while doing her makeup so you end up getting stopped at a five-minute stoplight, today is your day to "get over it." If you find yourself always complaining about the same things day after day, now is the time to "get over it."

For example, the news keeps covering Britney Spears while she's trying to get over her crap. So the news needs to "Get over it!" Al Gore keeps complaining about global warming, he needs to “Get Over It!” I keep getting this annoying bill every month that says I need to pay for some mortgage. They need to "GET OVER IT!"

In all seriousness, I don’t see how this is any different than doing a New Year's resolution. They timed it to be about 3 months after New Years, which is about as long as the average person keeps a resolution before going back to old habits. My guess is that soon we’ll have a national “Seriously This Time, I’m Going To Make a CHANGE!” Day, sometime in mid-June.

They’ve tried to make this appealing (and marketable) to a specific demographic by organizing parties throughout the country. So far, there are no parties in Indianapolis yet. They also have a thing where you can submit what you’re “getting over” and they’ll display it on the site. An example:

"My ex boyfriend not telling me he has a seventeen year old child ( until 7 months after we were dating!!!)" -Okay, that would take some getting over.

They also have a ridiculous poem written by the founder. Here it is:

-Poem written by Jeff G., "Get Over It Day" Founder & Creator

As for me, I'm getting over the Pacers. They suck this year, they're not the same team, I don't like watching them play, I'm over it. If you check this site out, let me know what you think. I’m curious.

Get Over It Day website

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I Touched The Lombardi Trophy!

When I heard that I had already missed my chance to touch the Lombardi Trophy in Indianapolis, I knew there would be a road trip in my not-too-distant future. That expedition was realized last Saturday, as I drove to Linton, Indiana for my chance to "Make It Personal," and touch the Super Bowl Trophy.

I woke up at 4:30 Saturday AM and hit the dusty trail, as they say. Linton is a small town in rural Indiana (kind of a redundant statement). As I drove through it's two stoplights, I was reminded of the small towns you see in movies like "Children of the Corn," "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," and "Pet Cemetary." Before I had a chance to convince myself that I was safe in this quaint little town, I had already driven through it.

-As a side note, it's really cool when you're driving through snow at night and you put your brights on. It was like traveling through hyper-space on the Millenium Falcon. Or that screen saver that used to be so popular.-

I pulled over into the local Casey's General Store to find out where they were supposed to be bringing this trophy. I asked the cashier where the Humphrey's Park Community Center was located. Her response was, "You're here for the Colts trophy, ain't you?" She had amazing powers of perception. She went on to explain that it was just up the road and had a big red train in front of it. "You can't miss it," she assured me. Well, apparently I can, because I already did.

Sure enough, as I drove back through town, I noticed a large red train sitting in the midst of a park. I drove back to the Roy Clark Building and waited for the trophy.

I had arrived around 6:45 and was expecting to be in the back of the line. Apparently, touching the Lombardi Trophy was not as big of a deal to the folks in Linton as it was to me. Eventually, others started showing up and a line was formed...with me in the front.

It's hard to describe how proud I was to be the first in line. As people started showing up, I had reached celebrity status. "He got here at quarter-ta seven," they would exclaim as I ate from my sack lunch.

After standing in the cold for an hour, they let us inside the building to warm up until the trophy arrived. Unfortunately, this meant breaking up our current line. Many more people showed up, and soon people began to get nervous about where they would be when we reformed the line outside. There was only one person who didn't seem to care. Yeah, that's right. I could hear the whispers all around me..."All I know is, the fella standing there reading a book and eating that apple was first."

Yep, soon my face was recognizable to everyone who ever lived in Linton, Indiana. And they both knew my name too. I was more popular than the mayor.

Around 10:00, they began shuffling us outside again. Here is a picture of everyone moving outside from my vantage point. At the front of the line.

About 10:30, a Colts truck arrived and in about fifteen minutes, they had turned the Roy Clark Building into a virtual Hoosier Dome. About that time, the trophy arrived, accompanied by two very large black men. I wouldn't normally describe the color of their skin, except that these may have been the first two black men that this city had ever seen. "Check out the size of that negro, Jimmy! He could eat you for breakfast!"

Here's a picture of the trophy going right past the front of the line (that would be me) on it's way into the building.

After it was inside, I was the only one in position to take this sweet picture of the two large black men sealing the trophy in its bullet-proof casing.

(no, that's not a mirror. those are two different men.)

So after waking up at 4:30 and waiting in line for four hours, my fifteen seconds of glory was finally up. I was rushed to the trophy and told to pass my camera off to a girl who would take it for me. This was the result:

What! I was so disappointed. What a crappy picture. Of course she had to get Agent 00-douchebag in the background. Dangit! Then two cheerleaders ruined a cool poster by signing it. Then Blue the Colts Mascot wasn't there yet to sign something for me. Then I was given another poster and pushed out the door. Piece of crap! So I did what any reasonably-minded Colts fan would do. I took my posters to the car and got right back into the end of the line.

This time through I only had to stand for about an hour and a half. The time flew by as I listened to two pre-pubescent Linton Emo kids talk about how excited they were to see Colts cheerleaders. I made it back to the trophy and made sure the picture was how I wanted it. This one is much better.

I love how the big black guy is plastered to the wall. It's like he's scared just to be in my presence. This time through, I also got to see Blue. Man, I just feel sorry for whoever has that job.

The young men of Linton were way more excited to see the Colts cheerleaders than they were to see the trophy. They actually let these girls sign their clothing. I couldn't believe it. Good for them though. They gave these kids hope that there really are women out in the world with a full set of teeth and no babies.

All joking aside, I really am glad that I made the trip. And honestly, I almost wish I grew up in a town like Linton. Everyone seemed to know each other and the local football coach was like a hero. They were all really friendly and I'm glad to have shared this experience with them. Kudos to the Colts organization for taking this trophy out to everyone in Indiana. It's an experience I'll not soon forget.

See if the trophy is coming to a town near you

HIllary Clinton: "I Don't Feel Noways Taird (Tired)"

I know this isn't a political blog, but it is sort of a humor blog. And it doesn't get much more humorous than this.

If you haven't heard the clip of Hillary Clinton speaking at a church rally in Selma, Alabama, then you're in for a treat. She tries her best to imitate a deep Southern accent and fails miserably. I heard it on the radio yesterday and couldn't believe it. It's hilariously embarrassing. So, without further ado, here is what has been dubbed, "Kentucky Fried Hillary:"

Thursday, March 01, 2007

How To Do Stuff

I've come across this site before, but happened upon it again today. If you've never been to How to do Stuff, you've got to check it out. I just read through every article. Unfortunately, they haven't posted any new ones in a few years, but the stuff that's there is golden. They've even inspired me to go pick up a copy of the Anarchist Cookbook. If you don't read through the entire website, you've got to at least look at a few of my favorites.

How to Make a Sideways Room

If you had the time and energy to do this, I can't begin to tell you how awesome you would be.

How to Make a Flamethrower

Because honestly, who doesn't want their own home-made flamethrower laying around the house?

How to Force an Elevator to go Straight to Your Floor Without Picking Anyone Else Up
I would have loved to try this one out when I used to work in the Union Building at IUPUI. Luke, be sure to let me know if it works.